Category Archives: Thoughts

Random Thought of the Day

People always want to say it is in our nature to fear what is different. That’s not true. It is in our nature to fear what is dangerous – that is basic survival instinct, but we cannot insist that ‘different’ and ‘dangerous’ are defined the same. We also have an instinctual curiosity that pushes us to explore the world around us and we are not, by definition, curious of what we know, we are instead curious of what is different. Which is to say instinctively we seek out what is different, the exact opposite of what we do when we are afraid of something. It is not in our nature to fear what is different, quite the opposite. It is in our nature to explore what is different. Fearing what is different is a learned behavior and, fortunately, it is never too late to reject mistaken lessons.

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And then there was this

People are always dancing. They dance because they’re happy, they dance because they’re celebrating. They dance because they’re in love and once in a while, to tell love goodbye. Sometimes you have to dance because the only way to keep up with the world is to be spinning just as fast as it is. As long as you keep moving, everything is okay – everything is fucking perfect. You’re spinning, hell you’re twirling, you’re on top, you are the game master…just as long as you don’t stop. Because when you slow, when you stop, the world keeps moving and it rushes toward you, rushes past you and…well, here’s to those who know how to keep moving. Here’s to those who are always dancing because you just can’t stop.

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No assumptions, No expectations, No strings

Here’s what it is – human relationships are weird. They’re never what you think, and many times they are much more than you think. Because we never really know what’s going on in another’s head, do we. I’ve always been a pretty good read of people. It’s a skill I’ve taken pride in and put to plenty of use. Its also made me guilty of assuming I know what people are thinking and expecting people to act a certain way. Cue disappointment, anger, crying jags and Ben & Jerry’s, because it’s also left me holding my ass in my hands like a hat more than once. Because no matter how well we think we know someone, we cannot accurately predict how they will respond in each and every situation. But think about it for a minute – isn’t that part of the beauty of other people? They’re not us; they’re someone different, unique in all their oddity, amusing in their quirks. They bring a different way of doing and thinking to the table. We need that from each other. We need to step outside ourselves and into each other’s worlds. Because this is how we define ourselves; by our interaction with other people. Do we like them? What they do, the decisions they make, how they carry themselves. Are they a leg man or a breast man and what am I? And it all goes hand in hand. Because as easily as we can change so can they. And so we never know what all the people want all of the time. And the times we don’t, well those are the times…those are the times we remember we are all human. We are all weird and changeable and wonderfully different. And if we fail to assume, then we get to appreciate these moments when someone surprises us. We get to truly appreciate one another and we get to know ourselves better, to learn and grow. But more than that, we get to truly love one another. And that’s what it is.

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So here’s what it is…tact. There are times when it is necessary, I guess. Certainly times when it is welcome. Usually, I find it to be a waste of time; more often a hindrance to the end goal, prolonging break ups and leaving parties delicately waltzing around an issue. I prefer to look it in the face, get it out and over with and then move on. Perhaps more of a krunk than a waltz. These things in life are like paper cuts. It can hurt like hell, but if you ignore the pain and bandage the bleed it doesn’t actually diminish your ability to get things done. It doesn’t affect your worth. #thisiswhyimsingle #hereswhatitis

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A little bit of New Year, New Me B.S.

So here it is. The day we’ve waited all year for – New Year’s Eve. Over the years I’ve looked forward to this day for various reasons. When I was a kid I used to love staying up late, eating shrimp cocktail, and watching the ball drop on T.V. while the babysitter slept on the sofa. Later it was an excuse to stay up all night and steal alcohol right out from under the adults’ noses while waiting to watch the ball drop. Later still it was an anniversary of sorts. The beginning hook-up of what became a decade long relationship resulting in two children, one marriage and one divorce. Now I still look forward to New Year’s Eve, though I’m not sure I can pinpoint the reason why. It’s a day that reminds me of the year’s accomplishments (or lack thereof) and that for all my cool and distant ways I’m somehow largely alone. Though to be honest, I’m not sure how much that bothers me really. It’s somewhere between really needing a backrub and sharing a great night out with someone. But really, I’m pretty happy with the directions a lot of things in my life have gone this year. There’s a bit to smile about and in truth, some of it has been there for years. Perhaps my biggest accomplishment of 2014 is that I’ve learned to smile about the good stuff.

Alright, so here’s what it is. If there are things you need to change, demons you need to conquer, then by all means jump on that resolution bandwagon, no drive the bandwagon. Hell, lead the band. But maybe for some of us, the struggle is being still. Not changing a thing, but keeping on the same track and not fucking up what we already have. So here’s to being still in the new year.

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I had a conversation with a friend yesterday evening, about my oldest daughter and how proud I was when she remarked that we should give the Salvation Army bell ringers coffee because they must be cold. I continued talking about how this was the very spirit I wanted to foster in my children – seeing when others were in need and being ready to help meet that need if they could. I was a little surprised when my friend responded that one had to be careful with that these days. I was surprised because she is a person that I know to be empathetic and to truly hurt over the horrors all too common in this world. So I asked and she answered. Look at how many people have been arrested in Florida for feeding the hungry, she said. Things are crazy these days. You can’t risk provoking the police. And I understood. As much as she agreed with the principle behind what I had said, fear polarized her. Not so much for herself maybe, but for her family. But even as I understand the view she is taking, I cannot agree with it. She seemed a bit shocked when I voiced that I would risk being arrested, just as those in Florida have. That I would encourage my own children in the same course of action. Because for me, there is no question. One does not leave people to starve, to die, simply because a law prohibits offering them food. This is wrong. There need be no argument, no fancy words. It is simply wrong. And I would feel only pride to find that my children shared this belief, even if it meant bailing them out of jail. Now it is not that I encourage resisting police orders. If stopped by police officers and questioned I believe a person should be respectful. We have charged our police officers with a heavy responsibility, one many of us could not bear up under; it should come as no surprise when one of them falters under that weight. Their purpose is to uphold the law, whether they agree with it or I agree with it. Since we have determined that we need laws and enforcers, it follows that we must allow them to do this. So if stopped and questioned, you cooperate. If arrested, you cooperate. But cooperating does not mean abandoning one’s principles. Yes, I would allow myself to be arrested for breaking a law that says not to feed the homeless. But I would not allow the arrest to stop me from continuing to feed the homeless. And this is exactly what I want to teach my children. Because if we abandon our principles because of fear, if we teach our children that to be safe is better than to be moral, if we tell them to fall in line and keep their mouths shut…what world will we create? Consider what monsters would assume kingship over a world of bowing, submissive citizens concerned only with keeping themselves safe. Consider also what good teaching our children a solid moral code is if we tell them it is okay to abandon it when they feel threatened.

There are many things to be concerned about in the world today. Many things within our borders, at our very doorsteps. But giving in to the fear is not the answer. Because if we do not teach our children to fight these battles, then who will there be in the next generation to fight them?

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Decisions – fuck ’em

You know the decision memes…the ones that lead to a yes or no answer and then a simple solution? It occurs to me that is really all it has to be. Map it out, then solve it and stick with it. Put it to rest. Everything has a solution and sometimes the solution is that there is nothing you can do about it. Roll with it. Make the best. Not everything is in your control and the sooner you realize it the happier you will be. For those things you can do nothing to change…you’re not supposed to. Perhaps it’s simply not for you. Ride it out, enjoy it while it lasts, then let it go. Que cera. There’s something else for you. There’s always something else. Another path, another person, another lifestyle. Don’t force what doesn’t work, what you don’t really feel. Something else will reveal itself. And you will be more glorious than ever.

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Things I’ve Learned.

I am 32 years old. I have been married and divorced, through military training, and earned a four-year degree. I have two children, two jobs, and am sole manager of my household. So it is from a position of experience, when I say with confidence, that I am no expert at all. There is only one real idea that can hold up and that is that things change, things and people. because as our environments change, we change. We adapt to new surroundings. We adopt new views.
The order of our priorities shift. What beliefs we hold steadfast to in our twenties are not all going to be the same in our thirties. We will learn, each according to his or her own experiences, and we will change. Not all of the changes will be better, not all of the changes will be bad ones.

Because of this it is true that the odds of answering the question “what do you know” the same way twice are slim. So I prefer to phrase it as “what I know now.” So here are just a few things I’ve come to know. Maybe in six months I’ll answer the question here again just to see how I’ve changed.

1) Time moves at a consistent steady pace. It never speeds up, it never slows down. It is only our perception, colored by how eager, nervous, or terrified we are that makes it appear to do either.

2) Time seems to go by faster as we get older because our lives become future-oriented. When we are young we are concerned with the now, content to remain in the space and time of our immediate surroundings. But future deadlines, meetings, and the responsibility of pre-planned activities keeps us looking always ahead on the calendar, and we barely notice, let alone fully experience, the now.

3) I am special, I am unique; but I do not deserve praise just for getting out of bed and showing up. Recognition should be reserved for the people who take their snowflake qualities and make snowballs, or snowmen, or ice castles.

4) Be who you are. I mean really, just be who you are. Pretending to be someone else will not make you happy. It will not make those around you happy. Such falseness will become an impenetrable barrier between you and your happy.

5) You must make your own choices. No one will ever know yourself better than you do.

6) You will make mistakes. You will make lots of mistakes. You will torture yourself over them, berate yourself over them, cry, deny them, hide them, run away from them. You might even punch some of them. But you will live through them.

7) Go ahead and cry. Sob like a baby and rail at the heavens. Sink to your knees. Barricade yourself in your house and sing along to every song that even remotely describes how you feel. Then wipe your eyes, take a shower, drink some coffee and go on with your life.

8) You can eat the cupcake. Your welcome.

9) Really. Go ahead and eat the damn cupcake.

10) Say it. Whatever it is, to whoever you need to say it to. Because embarrassment is temporary, you really might not get another chance, and regrets suck.

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Smile. You are further ahead today than you were yesterday. Even if you did not a single thing to move forward, it’s true. Because we can never truly sit still, time always moves us on. So even if all you did was float along on the seconds and minutes of the day, you are further ahead than you were yesterday. Don’t worry if you didn’t accomplish anything noteworthy, if you didn’t make any great strides toward your ultimate goals. Because soon, the silent pools will turn into rapids. And then you’ll pull up your rested strength. You will be prepared to not just ride the rapids, but to navigate them. When you come to a fork you, not the current, will decide which way you go. And if you should reach a waterfall, it will be your stroke that launches you through the air and the spray to a new situation. So it’s okay to float today. Because tomorrow, well, tomorrow you’re going to make this river your bitch. 😉

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Life is good

Sometimes…it’s just a matter of taking a step back, observing where you are at that moment, and accepting. Accepting that, in that moment, life is good. Enjoy the place you are at, the people you are with, the moment you are in. Ignore the big picture, the pressure, the impending whatever and accept where you are. You might find that though there is a whole world on your shoulders, waiting for you to bow, waiting for you to address it, this moment – THIS moment – is good. Let it be good. Feel it, absorb it. Because you need them, the good moments. For this instance , let it be good. It is what it is; and RIGHT now – is right now. Let the good be good. The rest will be there for you to deal with later . That’s guaranteed.

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